


"Stay."

by V_e_s_a_n_u_s



Series: Whumptober 2018 [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Insomnia, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Whumptober, hawke is so nice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 20:47:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16182905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/V_e_s_a_n_u_s/pseuds/V_e_s_a_n_u_s
Summary: Day number 3 of #whumptober! Prompt was insomnia!Fenris is plagued by memories of his life as a slave, and it impacts his life more than he cares to admit. But when he's in that dark place, someone is there to help him through it.





	"Stay."

Most of the humans in Hightown were sleeping soundly in their grand and luxurious beds at this very moment. They dreamt of their warm fires and their smiling families without a care in the world. They’d never known hardship, true hardship. Their lives were pampered, cushioned against the real world by money and status. 

It wasn’t the same for everyone. 

In one of those very manners, identical to all of the others in the district on the outside. Tall, light grey brick reaching high into the sky, a large ornate wooden door with an intricate brass handle. It was the same. Prim. Proper. On the outside, it looked normal.

On the inside, he was screaming. 

Fenris was tossing in his bed, sweat staining the sheets and plastering his white hair to his forehead. His lyrium lines were glowing - no,  _ burning _ \- in his skin, lighting up the room with flashes of white. 

_ “No no no no!” _ He was shouting in his head but only incomprehensible shouts came out. 

Danarius was dragging him back, chains clamped tightly around his wrists. His tattoos weren’t lighting,  _ why weren’t they lighting,  _ and he couldn’t fight back. 

_ “We’ve got you back, little wolf,” _ Danarius whispered in his ear with a snide grin, _ “I told you we would.” _

_ “I will not go back with you!” _ Fenris shouted, struggling, yanking against the chains that bit into his wrists and dragged him further back. Back to Tevinter. Back to waiting on Danarius’ every whim. Back to being Danarius’ pet. Back to being Hadrianna’s plaything. Back to being a slave.

“I AM NOT A SLAVE!” He yelled, springing up in bed, his hand firmly wrapped around his sword’s pommel and raised. 

The room was silent. His ears rang with the volume of his cry, and his chest was heaving, shuddering with deep and shaky breaths. It smelled of lyrium, of metal and magic and the ozone and he  _ hated  _ it. His heart thundered in his chest, his eyes wide and scanning the room. He was alone. He was safe. 

He was free. 

Fenris sighed deeply and collapsed back onto the bed, his tattoos slowly dimming. He was exhausted. He didn’t remember the last time he had a good night’s rest. It was always the same. He fought against his own fears and anxieties for hours just to get  _ some _ rest, and when he actually managed to get to sleep it was never for long. He was always plagued by nightmares and woke up in a cold sweat, fighting to keep the images at bay. To keep his reality at bay. 

Because Danarius  _ was _ still out there. He was still searching for him. He would not stop. He  _ would _ find him. He would bring him back and take everything from him. His life. Hawke. His friends. His freedom.

That’s what kept him up at night. That’s why he couldn’t sleep. It was why he kept his sword close by at all times. It was why he was  _ afraid. _

He didn’t want to go back. He wanted to stay here, maybe make a difference. And some small, small part of him, deep down where he daren’t even think of… he wanted to start a life here. With his friends, with  _ Hawke.  _ It was too much to hope for. There was too much wrong with him, too much history and danger and Hawke would never be safe with him. Not truly. Not with Danarius still out there. 

It plagued him constantly. 

His heart leapt in his chest, continuing its wild rhythm when he heard a sound outside of his room. He was here. Danarius had come for him. 

Fenris didn’t stand. His legs were too shaky, he was too vulnerable like this. So he sat up like a shot, holding his sword tightly in his hands, and prepared to do what he could. 

He couldn’t believe he was going back. He didn’t want to. There was no stopping it. He was going to be a slave forever-

And then he saw the face of the man who appeared in his doorway. 

Those golden eyes, smiling at him in the candlelight, eyes he would know anywhere. He lowered his sword and took a deep breath as the man stepped further into the room. The man’s dark beard and ruffled hair were illuminated as he came closer, a little scraggly but so undeniably-

“Hawke,” Fenris said, impressed at how steady his voice sounded. He didn’t dare think of what state he must have been in. His hair was undoubtedly mussed, damp and standing on end from his tossing in the night. His bedsheets had fallen down to his waist, revealing his bare torso which was still drenched in a cold sweat that gave him goosebumps. 

“I was heading back home,” the man said slowly, eyes seeing more than what was in front of him. Fenris felt him look through him, almost, and it was as soothing as it was unsettling. It was an odd feeling, “But I passed by your manor and I heard a shout. I wanted to check you were okay.” 

The elf ran a hand through his hair, trying to resemble some sort of calm, “As you can see, I’m fine. Probably just a nightmare. I don’t remember it.”

Hawke’s eyebrows furrowed and he looked sad, instantly seeing through the lie, “Fenris, as much as you hate to admit it, we  _ have _ something. I  _ know  _ you. And I know when something’s not right,” he paused for a moment, cocking his head as if waiting for Fenris to respond. He didn’t. Hawke waited another moment before coming to sit at the end of his bed, “What’s the matter, Fenris?” 

Fenris narrowed his eyes, sitting further up in the bed and crossing his legs, placing the sword to lean against the wall. Then he turned back to Hawke with a simple “Nothing,” as a response. 

The man frowned again, “You’ve not been sleeping. Or not been sleeping  _ well,  _ by any means. You’re always irritable, you’re always  _ yawning,  _ and frankly, you don’t look well, Fenris. Now you might not want to tell me what it is, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. Or worry about you. And I just came in here because I heard you screaming. If you want me to spell it out for you, that means I am worried,” Garret’s golden eyes bored into Fenris’, “You might not want to tell me. But I’m here for you, if you do.” 

The elf’s eyes were wide. Had it been that obvious? Had this really impacted his behaviour  _ that _ much? He scratched at his hairline uncomfortably, and mustered the courage to speak, “I-” with that single syllable, his confidence shattered. He didn’t believe Garrett  _ actually _ cared about him. Maybe he didn’t  _ want  _ to believe it. Maybe he  _ couldn’t  _ believe it, “It’s nothing.” 

Garrett sighed, eyes sad and open and honest. He wanted to help. But the blighted elf didn’t want to help himself. He looked down and his knees for a moment. Hawke patted the elf’s leg soothingly, “If that’s what you want, I’ll go,” he stood up to leave. 

He didn’t make it far before there was a shaking hand at his wrist, “I don’t. I don’t want you to leave, I-” Fenris sighed, exasperated. He didn’t do this, he didn’t know  _ how _ to do this. He never had the chance, the opportunity to disclose his emotions before. He didn’t know how to tell him how he was feeling. He learned that from Danarius. There was no room for his emotions. They got in the way of his duty. “I don’t know how to-” he looked down, and in a very small voice he said, “Stay.”

“You want me to stay?” 

“Stay.”

Hawke didn’t smile, but he was glad. Maybe he didn’t want to talk, but that was fine. He could see how hard that single word was for him. He didn’t want to push it. He didn’t want to push  _ him.  _ “Okay. I’ll stay.”

The human watched Fenris climb back into his bed. The warrior didn’t seem to know what to do. Hawke analysed the scene before him, how he was sitting, his body language, what Hawke thought he wanted, what he  _ needed,  _ because Fenris wasn’t sure himself. But Hawke knew what to do. 

It took a moment to take off his shoes and the spikier parts of his armour, but once he was finished, he climbed into the bed beside Fenris and took the elf into his arms. Fenris was frozen for a second, unsure. But that was as long as it took for him to realise it was  _ right.  _ This was what he needed. 

He needed security. He needed safety. He needed someone to look after him when he was weak. And right now, he was weak. 

They stayed like that for a while, in silence. Fenris settled into his arms, enjoying the comfort and heat Hawke gave him. The man murmured into the silver hair beneath his lips, “You don’t have to tell me anything tonight. You don’t need to tell me anything  _ ever.  _ That’s up to you. But if you need me, I’ve got you. You’re safe with me.” It gave Fenris more comfort than he cared to admit. 

Fenris’ eyes started to flutter shut not long after, with strong arms holding him and warmth surrounding him. He felt wanted. It was new. He realised as he became drowsier that he liked it. 

And for the first time in years, he fell soundly asleep. Safe, content, and  _ free.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! Leave kudos or a comment if you did! XD


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